I had a meeting with the Bishop Tuesday night. Everything is going accordingly as planned. Yet everything seems to be falling apart. I know I'm on the right path and doing the right things, but why is everything just falling apart and crumbling right before my eyes. I thought I had completely gotten over you, but when questions are asked I find myself getting sad, then angry. The only way I can attain forgiveness is by forgiving you and myself. I don't want to be angry anymore. A song comes to mind every time I feel myself getting angry, the lyrics "if its not love, simply let it go". I try to just let it go, so I force myself to think of something else. Thats not all thats on my mind.
I watched Julie and Julia today. I love that movie. As I watched it I found myself thinking of marriage. As a girl you are told over and over again that you have to marry in order to find happiness, in order to be accepted in society. Being the youngest of 4 I have seen my fair share of weddings and I wonder when will my time come. When will I find my knight in shining armor. I am 21 years old and have no suitable prospect, granted I myself am no suitable prospect for anyone either. But, I still wonder where he could be hiding. Must I really wander this world alone and by myself. I want to have kids. I want to know what its like to wake up every morning next to the one I love, alas all that I have loved have never loved me back. Depressing isn't it? Indeed, it is.
My remedy, instead of calling and talking to the one that hurt me, is going to be me diving into a moist peace of homemade chocolate cake and tasting its divine nature on my tongue. Oh the blissful sensation of a food to comfort me. I shall forget you one day, until then I have my food to comfort me.
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